First #CSAUP in The Wood!

23 PAX completed #TheAssault – the first #CSAUP hosted by F3Greenwood! While there is no question that this event was, in fact, Completely Stupid (And Utterly Pointless), those who participated got better. YHC was never directly threatened, but was reminded on numerous occasions that he was no longer allowed to plan anything ever again.

We did a LOT of work. Kinda like this:


  • Issued by YHC, but also made the PAX sign a waiver. After all, we are not professionals (except for Splinter)

Pre BoM

  • Given by Splinter on the spot with no preparation. That prayer may have been exactly what got us through the suck.

Q1 – Flossy


  • SSH x 50 IC
  • Imperial Walkers x 40 IC
  • Merkins x 15 IC

Mosey to grab a coupon then over to the Hill

8 min AMRAP

  • P1 flutter kicks while holding coupon over head at the bottom
  • P2 frog hops to top of hill, performs 10 MerkinJacks, runs down hill
  • Rinse and Repeat until time called

8 min AMRAP

  • P1 mountain climbers at the bottom
  • P2 farmers carry both coupons to top, performs 10 bent over rows, farmers carry back down

Mosey to gazebo

  • Hail Mary’s x 15 (P1 in high plank, P2 does dips with hands on bench and legs on P1’s back)
  • Flapjack until time is called

Q2 – Uncle Jesse

Mosey to football field

Modified Loredo

  • 24 jumping lunges
  • 24 squats
  • 24 merkins
  • 400m run
  • Rinse and repeat until you (hopefully) get in 6 rounds
  • If finished, help other PAX pick up reps

Q3 – Splinter

Mosey over to playground near gazebo

10-to-1 Countdown sets

  • P1 – pull-ups (“Just suck it up and get the work done!” – Splinter)
  • P2 – 10 curls, 10 OH Press, 10 shrugs
  • Flapjack

10-to-5 Countdown sets

  • P1 – Burpees and pull-ups
  • P2 – KB swings, OH Press


  • 10 Straight Leg Sit-ups
  • 10 2ct Russian Twists
  • 10 Wide leg sit-ups
  • Variable Speed Flutters 25 IC

Q4 – Kobayashi

Mosey to soccer field

  • 100 Makhtar N’Diayes
  • P1 chips away while P2 karaokes far side, 10 flutter kicks, karaokes back
  • Flapjack until 100 complete
  • 200 Plank hip dips
  • P1 chips away while P2 does Sea Turtles
  • Flapjack until 200 complete
  • 300 Plank Jacks
  • P1 Chips away while P2 does 10 crab cakes
  • Flapjack until 300 complete

Q5 – Meatloaf

Mosey to the hill for BlackJack

  • 1 We’re Not Worthy at the bottom
  • Sprint to top for 20 WhirleyBoys with head down the hill
  • Sprint to bottom 2 We’re Not Worthy
  • Back to top 19 WhirleyBoys
  • We’re Not Worthy up to 20
  • WhirleyBoys down to 1

Mosey to football field

  • Start at end line 5 merkins
  • Bear crawl 5 yards
  • 5 squats
  • Run 5 yards
  • Rinse and repeat all the way down the field
  • Sprint backwards back to start


  • 20 FlutterKicks IC
  • 48 WhirleyBoys IC
  • 32 OH Claps IC
  • 15 LBAC IC (no, that’s not a typo. Only 15)

Q6 – Misfire

Mosey to other end of football field

  • P1 – Broad jump burpee across field, sprint back
  • P2 – LBCs until P1 finishes
  • Flapjack
  • Plank variations for the six (“If you’re not shaking then you’re doing it wrong!” – Misfire)
  • P1 – Forward crab walk across field, revers crab walk back #CrowdPleaser
  • P2 – Iron Crosses until P1 finishes
  • Flapjack
  • Shaky Planky for the six
  • P1 – Crawl Bear across the field
  • P2 – Big Boy situps until P1 finishes
  • Flapjack
  • Shaky Planky for the six

Q7 – Juggernaut

Mosey to gazebo

50-40-30-20-10 complex

  • Box Jumps
  • Incline Merkins
  • Dips
  • Complete 5 burpees after each set
  • For the overachievers who finished repeat sets of 10 with decline merkins

3 minutes AYG – hand release rabbit burpees

Q8 – NoHelp

Mosey to soccer field and line up on sideline

  • Squat x 10 OMC
  • Calf Raise x 10 IC
  • Sprint across
  • Burpee x 10 IC
  • Calf Raise x 10 IC
  • Sprint Across
  • Lunge x 10 IC
  • Calf Raise x 10 IC
  • Sprint Across
  • Pulse Squat x 10 IC
  • Calf Raise x 10 IC
  • Sprint Across
  • 8-count Bodybuilder x 10 IC
  • Calf Raise x 10 IC
  • Sprint Across
  • King of Hearts – Suicide, to the middle and back, to the opposite side and back x 2 (repeat w/ backward running)
  • San Antonio Shuffle across (Left leg lunge, right leg lunge, Burpee, plank jack)
  • Sumo Squat x 10 OMC
  • Calf Raise x 10 IC
  • Butt to heels squat x 10 OMC
  • Calf Raise Heels In x 10 IC
  • Sumo Squat x 10 OMC
  • Calf Raise Heels Out x 10 IC
  • Butt to Heels Squat x 10 OMC
  • Calf Raise x 10 IC
  • Sumo Squat x 10 OMC

Mosey back to hill, grab coupons and put them away


  • 26 finishers!


Prayer Requests

  • 2 PAX in Lexington have children suffering greatly
  • Thumper’s unborn 2.0 couldn’t find heartbeat. After the prayers of a friend, the heartbeat was found. The prayers of a righteous man avail much.


  • Closed out by YHC

NakedMan Moleskin

  • YHC was reminded frequently that this idea was stupid. No argument there.
  • Pontiff could be heard reminding everyone – frequently – that “This is stupid!”
  • Meatloaf noted during NoHelp’s Q that his name was NoHelp because he was NoHelp to the PAX after 3-1/2 hours of suck
  • Oddly, many of the PAX felt the same way when doing We’re Not Worthy’s called by, you guessed it, Meatloaf
  • Uncle Jesse, who has a special affinity for the intensity of Hero WODs, called out Bradley then proceeded to describe Loredo. When YHC pointed this fact out, UJ admonished YHC for texting in the request to Q while UJ was drunk. Duly noted, sir.
  • Misfire reminded us all that communication was key. YHC discovered this during his Q when PAX were doing burpees after every single movement. #Cobains Sadly, YHC is in the communication business. #EpicFail
  • NoHelp referred the PAX to the Lexicon and Exicon for official F3 Names of exercises. “You may call some of these exercises by different names,” said NoHelp. “Yea, we call this one bullsh!t,” quipped one of the PAX.
  • Sunburn was one item left off the packing list. We work out in the gloom, right? What in the world is that big bright ball in the sky?
  • Apparently, Polly is just as effective with his #MumbleChatter even when he only watching the beatdown
  • Seriously, #TClaps to Polly, Thumper, Peaches, LiteBrite, DixieChick and all the other PAX who came to help out with waivers, pics, etc.
  • #TClaps to NoHelp, Misfire and Splinter for making the drive up to lead this insanity
  • #TClaps to the N Augusta crew and Roscoe P. Coltrane from Anderson for driving in from out of town to participate. YHC loves getting together with PAX from other regions.
  • #TClaps to all the Greenwood PAX who swallowed up that big #DRP and took on #TheAssault
  • #TClaps to UncleJesse for stepping up at 10:30 p.m. Friday night (while drunk) to fill in a last minute Q spot.
  • #TClaps to Flossy and Meatloaf for not only putting up with, but also helping foster and plan this event
  • #TClaps to Kobayashi for flexibility on the fly and still delivering one of the absolute worst segments of the event. The core was challenged, sir. #MissionAccomplished
  • Regions represented – Anderson, Columbia, Greenwood, Lexington, North Augusta

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