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F3 – Fitness, Fellowship, Faith

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Sex And Money

David had his Bathsheba and Bill his Monica. Judas succumbed to 30 pieces of silver and Bernie Madoff to, well a little bit more than that. Point being that when it comes to stumbling male leaders, sex and money (as in a man taking some that he shouldn’t) can almost always be found at the heart of the scandal. It doesn’t matter if you’re a pastor, politician, mafia don (if The Sopranos is accurate) or just a father, historically it is sex and/or money that will lead you on the short walk from the throne to the outhouse.

So, here’s the question for The Conversation: if your closest friend just ascended to an important leadership position and came to you for advice as to how to avoid the twin temptations of sex and money–what would be the top three things you would tell him to do?

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Comments

  1. October 25, 2011

    Al Bait

    I think this blog post was directed at me somehow? Answer: (1) be extremely careful, cautious in dealings with a members of the opposite sex (perceptions & what’s seen publically can be twisted or miscontrued instantly); (2) in interactions with the oppposite sex, integrate other friends & colleagues at every opportunity to mitigate #1 to establish public accountability; (3) part a….with money….acknowledge that there’s no elevator to the top….making money quickly usually (not always) means there’s a negative connotation & consequence…..being tempted by greed & a shortcut will always be to your disadvantage in the long term. part b…..develop small circles of friends who hold you accountable on a regular basis on multiple areas in your life (physical, financial, family, professionally)

    Thats all for now. Gotta go hike the Appalachian Trail. ! :)

    Al

    • October 25, 2011

      Dredd

      The post is actually directed at me, myself and I, and as a reminder to any man in a leadership position who considers himself (as I do) to be a sinner under grace. Your comments and counsel are timeless and right on. Your reference to the AT (if I’ve got it right, obtuse as I generally am), is exactly on as well. Accountability does a leader little good if he is not truthful with men who he gathers about himself for that purpose. Don’t walk The Trail alone Brother! It’s dangerous out there for a man walking solo.

  2. October 25, 2011

    Purple Crayon

    1) Follow your faith. Interestingly enough, all of the more mainstream religions (and probably most of the less mainstream) tend to frown on adultery/casual sex and theft.

    2)Remember, the purpose of your leadership is the bettertment of those you are leading, not the elevation of your status.

    And if those don’t work…
    3)You will get caught. If you are visible enough to be put in a leadership position, you are visible enough for your transgressions to be noticed. (Especially when pointed out by those that think they would be a better leader than you)

  3. October 25, 2011

    silo - aka newk

    As with all people, leaders included, understand first that you are weak. If you look at yourself as a leader without understanding your weakness, then you are destined to discover it through failure. As we discussed last week, most leaders are thrust into the role based on circumstance. those that rise to the occasion are truly leaders. Those that seek out a position of leadership for the sake of the title end up as dictators or as ones to whom things are dictated.

    • October 25, 2011

      Dredd

      I like it. Servant-leadership is focused on the betterment of the led. Inherant in that is recognition of one’s own weakness.

  4. October 25, 2011

    Dredd

    Here’s a link to a story about now-deceased Congressman John Murtha, indicating that death will not necessarily keep you safe: http://ace.mu.nu/

    • October 25, 2011

      Purple Crayon

      Ain’t that what hell is all about?

  5. October 25, 2011

    Joker

    It’s pretty straightforward for me:
    1. Be a man of your word… live up to your vows and assertions of love
    2. Value what is really valuable… that which cannot be bought or replaced
    3. And remember… character is defined by what you do when nobody is watching

    Temptations can be everywhere brothers, but if you ain’t lookin you won’t even notice ‘em.

    • October 25, 2011

      Dredd

      Aye. Here’s to eyes wide open–if not for yourself, for those you lead who will be harmed if you stumble.

  6. October 26, 2011

    Pomfret

    I love what Al Bait wrote about caution and protection, largely because I know what is right, but still need accountability and support when I am tempted by greener pastures.

    Its soo easy to transgress the straight path due to a momentary lapse judgement unless you have a backup plan. We need to back each other during periods of temptation.

    • October 26, 2011

      OBT

      Pomfret hits on the key word here, brothers. It’s all about accountability. If we set ourselves apart or hold ourselves above we lack accountability for our actions. When we keep ourselves engaged in relationships in which we’re held accountable — by our spouses, our families and by other men — we construct the best possible guardrails to keep us in the middle of the road.

    • October 26, 2011

      Dredd

      Aye to the Backup Plan. And, like all Backup Plans (that work that is), it needs to be in place prior to the need for it (ahem) arises.

  7. October 27, 2011

    Ann & Hope

    As Dredd said to me regarding half a$$ing a set this morning at the Gamucci (and frankly about much, much more in life)… “hurts less if you don’t cheat”. Well said, heard and needed today.

  8. October 28, 2011

    Expo

    1. After nearly 25 years of marriage…I believe we need to look at the Old 80/20 rule. The 80% of why we married our significant other is still there. The 20% you have a problem with can be fixed over time. The risk is thinking its better on the other side of the fence. Be careful…you may like 20% of the other side and end up having to fix 80% of it. So lets work on fixing our current 20% and become 100% with the one we love. To fix 20% is alot less than trying to overhaul 80% of someone we thought we knew.
    2. Agree with others…Accountability
    3. Bold Obedience to our Higher Power.

  9. November 10, 2011

    J-Delta

    Over a decade ago, I heard this message:

    Sin takes us further than we ever intend to go, keeps us there longer than we ever want to stay and costs us more than we could ever afford to pay.

    Despite hearing and understanding this truth, I’ve ignored it more than once and the result is always the same. Broken trust, broken relationships, shame, guilt, dishonor … to name a few.

    • November 10, 2011

      Dredd

      Thanks for the humility Brother. I also have ignored what I knew to be true about the nature of sin and the wreckage it leaves in its wake. I wish I was smart enough to learn from others, but I generally insist on beating my own head on the wall, despite the bloody marks others have left behind. When I was 27 I thought that when I was 47 I would be a lot smarter and stronger. I was wrong. I’m just as dumb and weak as I was 20 years ago. The only saving grace (and it is truly Grace) is that now I know it and don’t think for a moment that I can go it alone.

  10. November 11, 2011

    Ann & Hope

    Great message J-Delta. In reading that last sentence, you have learned more than most in your last 20 years Dredd. I hope the next 20 are at least as enlightening and powerful.

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